Monday, June 12, 2017

Trump Held A Bizarre Cabinet Meeting Where He Made Members Praise Him... One By One

This morning Dear Leader held a creepy Cabinet meeting at the White House on live television.

The first order of business for Mr. Trump was for him to praise the “record-setting pace” of his legislative agenda. Trump them claimed...

"Never has there been a president, with few exceptions... who has passed more legislation and who has done more things than what we’ve done."

Trump then added that he had managed to accomplish this magnificent feat despite the sad "obstructionist" Democrats who have only tried to slow his agenda.

FACT CHECK: Republican's have the majority in the Senate and don't need a single Democrat's vote to approve Trump's picks.

After making it abundantly clear that he was the best he invited his top employees to tell him just that.

They happily obliged.

Trump went around the table calling on each official to deliver adulatory remarks starting with Vice President Mike Pence...

It’s the greatest privilege of my life to serve as vice president to a president who is keeping his word to the American people, and assembling a team that’s bringing real change, real prosperity, real strength back to our nation,

White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus, who appears to be under constant threat of losing his job, thanked the president for...

"We thank you for opportunity and blessing you've given us to serve your agenda and the American people."

U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley hailed Trump as "transformational" and called it "a new day at the U.N.," where Trump has provided...

"a very strong voice. People know what the United States is for. They know what we're against. They see us leading across the board."

Energy Secretary Rick Perry told Trump that "my hat is off to you" for pulling the United States out of Paris climate agreement and that it was...

"an honor to be on team."

Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao touted the success of “Infrastructure Week,” noting of Trump's visit to the Department of Transportation last week...

hundreds and hundreds of people were so thrilled

Trump responded “It’s true.

U.S. Trade Representative Robert Lighthizer apologized for the delay in his confirmation to the post.

First of all, I want to apologize for being late for work. For four months, I got bogged down in the swamp that you want to drain."

Agriculture Secretary Sonny Perdue touted his recent trip to rural America...

I just got back from Mississippi and they like you there,

Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price said of serving Trump...

"Mr. President, what an incredible honor it is to lead the Department of Health and Human Services at this time under your leadership."

Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke opined...

"As your [Navy] SEAL on your staff, it's an honor to be your steward of your public lands."

Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross exclaimed...

"Mr. President, thank you for the opportunity to fix the trade deficit."

Agriculture Secretary Sonny Perdue went with...

"I wanted to congratulate you on the men and women you place around this table. ... I want to thank you for that. These are great team members."

Once the tongue bathing and genuflecting was over Trump ended the public portion of the meeting by thanking reporters and photographers who were there to witness and record the event.

Any third world, tin pot dictator would have been envious of the grotesque spectacle of each Cabinet official attempting to outdo one another with their be-slavering statements about Dear Leader.

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